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Random Questions

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

And, why didn't Noah just swat those two dang mosquitos?

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Stranded in Cebu

To this day I still don't know how it happened, but Annie Lou and I had a complete communication breakdown about the rest of the trip to Cabadbaran. Maybe my brain was mush from jetlag and being up for so long on the boat, or maybe something was lost in the interpretation from one language to the other... or maybe we were too preoccupied and didn't even discuss it... who knows.

But no matter what the reason for the breakdown, all I knew was we had to get off the boat in Cebu so we could get on a different one to take us to Butuan. And while that might seem like enough to know to get you to the right place at the right time, remember this is the Philippines and nothing is that simple.

Since I had never been to Cebu, and Annie's family was always concerned about her (she's the youngest), her sister Irish gave us several warnings about Cebu. Most of them I laughed off as advise from an over protective family, since it was the standard safety hints you'd give any traveler. "Don't set your bags down", "Watch who you ride with" and "Don't show any of your money" were some of the things I remember her saying.

But within ten seconds of stepping off that boat, I wasn't laughing anymore. I gripped the bags with everything I had, I asked Annie Lou a dozen times if she was sure the bus we were waiting on was the correct bus, and I made sure my money was tucked safely away in the bottom of my front pocket.

Now, I'm not the kind of guy to get scared easily. I can hold my own fairly well, especially when I'm a foot taller and 110 pounds heavier than anyone else around me. But I can honestly say that I was quite frightened as we stood out on that dock and waited for the bus to take us to the other ship.

Manila is a crazy place in itself, but for the most part places of mass transportation are safe. There are dozens of police officers, they are well lit, and though there is a mass of people, most are just regular folks trying to get from one place to another. But not in Cebu.

In Cebu, it was dark and nearly impossible to see where you were walking. There were squatters everywhere, and the only police officer in sight, well I didn't trust him anymore than I did anyone else in the crowd. He just looked creepy. And after boarding the bus, it only got worse, not better.

As the bus exited the gate, there were literally thousands of people massed outside, the majority of them trying to sell goods to make a few pesos. It looked like they had rounded up every street vendor in the Philippines and dropped them right in front of us. But eventually the bus made its way through the crowd, down the road, and to the next dropoff.

Due to the delay in the arrival of the bus, we were already running late for the next ship. So we got off the bus and grabbed the first tricycle we could find; A manually operated one, unfortunately. Which wasn't too bad as far as time was concerned, a good peddler could get us to the ship in plenty of time. However, he couldn't go fast enough (with my big heavy body in it) to keep the street vendors and squatters from overtaking the tricycle in an attempt to sell us things. Once again, I was horrified, and I could tell Annie Lou was too. But I tried my best not to show it, and to just be prepared for anything that might happen.

Normally these street peddlers are just a nuisance to other Filipinos. But with me there, they were an ubernuisance (is that a word?) and a danger as well, since most of them associate westerners with money.

We batted our way through the crowd and eventually made it to the next ship just minutes before the departure. We jumped off the tricycle, ran up to the gate (literally), and tried to get our boarding passes.

This is where the major communication breakdown reered its ugly head the most. To get the boarding passes, we had to pay for them. Hum. I thought our tickets in Manila would get us from there to Cabadbaran. Wrong!

Now, normally this wouldn't be a problem. While it was a lot of pesos, it was the equivalent of a minimal amount of American dollars, especially when I would have considered selling a kidney to get out of Cebu as quickly as possible. Sheer terror will do that to you, hahaha!

So I reached into my pocket, pulled out my pesos, and handed them to Annie Lou. Unfortunately we hadn't traded enough money at the currency exchange in Manila, and didn't have enough pesos to get our tickets for the ship. But I'm still not panicked, this cruise line will probably take American dollars, or if not, traveler's cheques for sure.

WRONG!

They wouldn't take either. We were stuck, stranded, screwed. And the boat was departing in 10 minutes. And.... it was the last ship out.

Of course, anyone else would have learned their lesson at the grocery the day before, but not me. Why make something simple when you can make it complicated? Why learn your lesson and trade in all the money for pesos when you have the chance, when you can wander around with something that has ZERO value and does you absolutely no good? WHY? I don't know, quit asking me!

Annie began negotiating, trying to find anyone who worked there who would be willing to do a money exchange for us at a rate that would make it worth their while. While a few were willing, no one had enough pesos on them to cover both our tickets.

As the squatters and street vendors nearby heard this exchange, they began walking over and surrounding the ticket booth, which was a chain linked fenced area with a bench running down the middle. Luckily there was a police officer stationed right there, and none of them walked in. But, they yelled through the fence over and over for us to go with them, that they knew someone "down there" that would do the exchange. Of course, we weren't going to fall for that.

Eventually, about 2 minutes before the ship was to set sail, someone for the liner contacted someone, who finally found someone on board with the pesos we needed. So we made the exchange, got our boarding passes, and ran around to the gate, just in time.

That is when we once again ran into a security check. Yap, we were doomed, no way we were getting on this vessel, I knew how closely they checked everything on these ships.

But to our surprise, the police officer simply waived us through, and after climbing the stairs to the deck, we were greeted and escorted to our cabin. Ah, we were finally safe, and back on our way. I had no idea how much money the tickets cost at this point, but I really didn't care. We were on board, I still had both kidneys, so life was good.

This ship wasn't as nice as the first, but it did have one advantage: The cabin actually had its own toilet and shower. Hurray! Between that accommodation and our lives being saved, neither of us had a single complaint about this ship. Not a complaint at all......

Airbrush

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Currency Exchange

A Japanese man on vacation in the USA stopped by the currency exchange and traded his Yen for Dollars. A few months later, when he returned, the clerk only gave him half as many dollars for the same amount of Yen.

"Why is it different this time?" he asked.

"Fluctuations" she replied.

The man scowled, and yelled back, "Well, fluck you Americans too!"

Ouch!

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Little Old Lady

> > ~LITTLE OLD LADY~
> >
> > There was a little old lady, who every morning.
> stepped onto her
> > front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted:
> "PRAISE THE
> > LORD!"
> >
> > One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He
> became
> > irritated
> > at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step
> onto his front porch
> > after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"
> >
> > Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way
> every day.
> >
> > One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old
> lady stepped onto
> > her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!
> Please Lord, I have no
> > food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!
> >
> > The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and
> there were two
> > huge bags of groceries sitting there.
> >
> > "PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE
> HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR
> ME!"
> >
> > The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and
> shouted:
> > "THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE
> GROCERIES!!"
> >
> > The little old lady threw her arms into the air and
> shouted:
> > "PRAISE THE
> > LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE
> DEVIL PAY FOR
> > THEM!"

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Dog and Sheep

One day a man was the only human survivor of a ship wreck. After paddling to the shore of a tiny island, he found a sheep and a dog that had survived as well.

The three of them lived in harmony for several months, until nature took over, and the sheep began to look quite sexy to him.

But each and every time he would try to fornicate with the sheep, the dog would growl, bark, and bite him until he gave up.

Then one day he was sitting on the beach and saw another ocean liner pass in the distance. To his horror, it began to sink, so he swam out and found a sole survivor- a beautiful woman with long, flowing red hair.

After dragging her to the beach and reviving her with mouth to mouth resuscitation, the woman woke up and looked at him.

"You are my knight in shining armor" she told him. "I will do anything, ANYTHING you want."

The man thought for a minute, then pointed a few feet away.

"Can you hold that dog for about 5 minutes?" he asked......

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